Hakomi Therapy for Trauma and Anxiety
Sometimes the things that shape us are difficult to explain. You may notice them in how you respond to other people, what you expect from relationships, how you feel about yourself, or what happens in your body before you’ve had time to think.
Hakomi is a mindfulness-based, somatic approach to psychotherapy that helps us slow those moments down and become curious about what is happening underneath them.
I use Hakomi with adults and adolescents throughout California who are working with trauma, anxiety, grief, relationship difficulties, and patterns that may have developed in response to earlier experiences.
What Hakomi therapy is like
Hakomi is less about analyzing an experience and more about noticing what happens in the present moment.
During a session, I might invite you to pay attention to a thought, emotion, physical sensation, image, impulse, or reaction that appears as we’re talking. Slowing things down can make it easier to notice something that ordinarily happens so automatically that it is difficult to see.
That can bring us closer to beliefs and expectations that may be operating beneath the surface—things like There’s something wrong with me, I’m not safe, My needs don’t matter, or I have to take care of everyone else.
These responses usually developed for a reason. The goal isn’t to judge them or simply get rid of them, but to understand what they have been doing for you and create room for something different.
When the body knows before you do
You don’t have to be particularly aware of your body or good at mindfulness to do Hakomi.
Sometimes what we notice is physical: tension, a change in breathing, an urge to pull away, heaviness, numbness, or a sensation that is difficult to name. Other times it’s a thought, memory, emotion, or subtle shift in how you respond to me.
These small reactions can give us information about how you’ve learned to protect yourself and what you’ve come to expect from yourself, other people, or the world.
Rather than overriding those responses, Hakomi gives us a way to approach them with curiosity.
Hakomi and developmental trauma
I find Hakomi particularly useful when the problem isn’t one discrete traumatic event, but the cumulative effect of experiences over time.
Growing up with criticism, emotional neglect, unpredictability, bullying, rejection, abuse, or having to adapt yourself to maintain important relationships can shape how you see yourself and relate to other people without leaving behind one obvious memory to process.
You may know that your circumstances are different now and still find yourself anticipating rejection, minimizing your needs, becoming overwhelmed by conflict, or feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
Hakomi gives us a way to notice these patterns as they emerge and become curious about what lies underneath them.
Hakomi, EMDR, and Havening
I originally trained in Hakomi because I wanted another way to support clients during EMDR. It became an important part of my work in its own right.
Hakomi is different from EMDR and Havening. EMDR provides a structured way of working with memories and the thoughts, emotions, and body sensations connected to them. Havening uses soothing touch along with attention and cognitive techniques. Hakomi relies more heavily on mindfulness, curiosity, and what emerges in the therapeutic relationship and present moment.
I am trained in all three approaches, and I don’t assume that one method is right for everyone. Depending on what we’re working on, I may use one primarily, integrate elements of several, or simply talk with you.
The method should serve the therapy, not the other way around.
What Hakomi with me is like
Hakomi can be very gentle, but gentle doesn’t mean passive.
I am engaged and attentive in our work. I may notice a change in your expression, something you say almost in passing, or a moment when what you’re telling me and what you seem to be feeling don’t quite match. I may invite us to slow down and become curious about it.
You always have a choice about whether we follow something. We don’t need to push past your limits to do meaningful work.
For me, Hakomi is most useful when it helps us understand something that has been difficult to see clearly—and gives you an opportunity to experience yourself, another person, or an old belief differently.
Is Hakomi right for you?
Hakomi may be worth considering if you understand yourself well but find that certain beliefs, relationship patterns, or emotional reactions persist despite that understanding.
It may also be useful if traditional talk therapy has helped but has only taken you so far, or if you’re interested in working with both the psychological and physical aspects of your experience without making the body the entire focus of therapy.
You don’t need to decide whether Hakomi—or any particular method—is what you need before contacting me. During a complimentary 30-minute consultation, we can talk about what you’re experiencing, what has and hasn’t helped before, and whether my approach may be a good fit.